It's Hard
by Spooky Bibi
Summary: Admitting that you need someone can be the scariest thing. Jack Bauer and Kate Warner will learn this as they grow closer after the events of Day 2. Chapter 8 up!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **This is a Jack/Kate fic, set right after season 2. Later on it will take into account season 3 and 4 but as if Jack never hooked up with Audrey (they will only be acquaintances). Hope you'll like it!

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, except my ideas. Also, like everybody else on I'm not making any money out of this. But I am enjoying myself!

**Chapter one: A day to end**

She just couldn't rest. She had spent the last few hours trying to make something out of this radical and apparently inexplicable change of personality that her sister had shown in the past 24 hours. She had thought of Marie at yesterday's breakfast, all giggly and radiant, the vibrant portrait of a soon-to-be bride, and tried to match this image with the cold and impenetrable Marie of last night, the one who didn't do as little as blink before trying to kill her. This was all too weird and incomprehensible. Her father had given up and stopped trying to figure out this whole mess that his life had so suddenly become. After too many tears, hows and whys, he did what was pretty much the only reasonable thing to do and went to bed. She, on the other hand, couldn't stop pacing. Fortunately she didn't have to deal with the horrid task of taking care of the called-off wedding. Their trusty wedding planner Emma had already sent everybody home and made arrangements with the caterer and other staff persons. She had told the guests as little as possible, keeping them in the dark of the unravelling of the day. Kate was really grateful to her for that. She wasn't at all in the right state of mind to explain Reza's death or Marie's implication in the bomb threat to family and friends. She would have to sooner or later but at least Emma's dicretion prevented it from being sooner. So many things on her mind were keeping her awake. But it wasn't just Marie's doings that were upsetting her. It was mostly what she had said.

_You will never be safe out there_. Those words, softly said with that angelic yet icy look, wouldn't leave her alone. She seemed strong, back there in CTU, helping her father and rationalizing her sister's behavior. It's only after going home and being alone that she had let the fear catch up with her. Truth is that she totally believed it. Her life had always been sheltered and protected but this safe feeling would never come back. She had been in so many dangerous situations, seen so many horrible things and endured so much in that single day. She had tried to tell herself that this fear was simply a natural result of such an extraordinary day, that this kind of day doesn't come along often and that therefore Marie's speech wasn't to be accounted for. Easier said than done. She was shaken to her very roots, attacked at her most sensitive place. Her family meant everything to her. All she ever did was taking care of them. First her mother when she was ill and after that Marie, who was so fragile at that time… _" How more mistaken could I have been?"_ she thought with a sad smile. Now it looked like all her past was a joke, the present total confusion and her future a frightening path. She felt like she would never get over this. _"I can't do this. How am I supposed to deal with this? I have to help Dad accept this situation. I can't trust anyone now so I'm basically alone to do it. It's too much…"_

That's when his name came to her mind. In a way, it was natural. He was the only one that succeeded in making her feel a little secure during that day. She found herself thinking about all he did for her, making sure she was okay and worrying for her security. God knows how many thing depended on him and still he found the time to care. The last she had seen of him was from afar, being taken into an ambulance with his daughter beside him. She didn't wanted to interfere so she just left to take her father home. But now all her defenses and support were gone. _"I just want to see if he's okay"_, she thought, knowing very well that it was also the comforting and reassuring feeling that he gave her that she wanted. Feeling already a little better, she picked her cellphone and started to dial his number, stopping in the middle of it when she realized that surely he wouldn't have it with nor be able to answer it. She searched for a while and found CTU's number.

- CTU Almeida.

- Agent Almeida, it's Kate Warner. I was wondering if I could ask you something.

- Of course, Ms Warner. You deserve a little, since you've been so helpful. What is it?

- Can you tell me in which hospital Jack Bauer has been transported to? I just want to thank him in person for what he's done for me.

- Yeah, just let me check. Okay, he's at St-James. You need a lift to get there?

- No, I'll drive myself. Thanks a lot agent Almeida, you've been very nice today.

- It's nothing.

Tony hung up and smiled. _"Just want to thank him, yeah right! I've seen the looks…"_

Kate Warner quickly put her cell in her purse and grabbed her keys hanging by the door. She looked up the stairs and went back to the kitchen. She wrote a small note for her father, saying that she was gone to see Jack. Especially today, she didn't want him to worry any more. Once the note written and put in clear view, she silently left the house and got into her car. As she was driving, one question was on her mind: _"Okay, now what will I say?"_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** I'll do my best to update more often from now on but I have lots of trouble with because my computer is a little too old for the site so it's not gonna be easy. Be patient!

**Dedicated to: **Giselle, Lacrimosa, bobdabuilder0804 and my most loyal reviewer, slugsbay. Love you guys!

**Chapter two: How to say thanks**

The ride seemed somehow too short. She had been driving for nearly 40 minutes and she still felt like she had just left. She had let her thoughts wander, it was easing her mind. She was still feeling like everything that had happened was someone else's doings, like she was witnessing the events, not being an actual part of them. If only that state could have last. But the hospital started to appear at the corner of the road.That sight made her snap out of her reverie and go back in the real world, with the hurt and anxiety everywhere. _"I want to be okay again." _she thought, almost desperate. Her heart started to pound in her chest and her hands shook slightly as she found a spot and parked her car. She stayed inside a moment, afraid to move but unwilling to leave the relative sense of comfort she had from the well-known cabin. _"Get a grip, you've come here for a reason!"_

She got out and straightened her clothes, suddenly getting self-conscious. She breathed out loudly and walked in the main entrance. A busy nurse was copying information in a patient's file, looking tired and annoyed, and didn't notice Kate until she coughed lightly to get her attention. The nurse looked up and said monotonously: _"How may I help you?"_

- Can you tell me in which room Jack Bauer is?

- Visiting hours are almost over, you better come back tomorrow.

- I really need to see him now, it's important. I promise I won't be long.

- Well, if you absolutely must… I don't really care, it's your time, but you'll have to make it quick. Let me check…he's in room 108, just down the hall at your left.

- Thanks.

She walked around the information desk and entered the hall. Just as she arrived at his room, she heard some low talking inside. A glance confirmed what she was thinking, Kim was with him. She quickly hid behind the open door, feeling pretty stupid and childish. _"God, how dumb can I be? I better get back home."_ She waited for a while. Once Kim had left, using the other end of the hall, she got out of her hiding place and carefully walked back to the main entrance. Not carefully enough apparently because she heard a soft calling from Jack's room. _"Kate? Is that you?"_

She peered through the door's opening and saw him, lying down his bed. He had a sheet covering the lower part of his body but she could see all the electrodes and tubes on his chest and arms. He was paler than before and looked really different. She just stood there, their eyes locked. For a few seconds, the only sound perceptible was the regular beep of the heart monitor. Kate felt herself flush and almost consider leaving immediately but it was too late and would be even more awkward than the present situation. She slowly entered the room, not knowing even remotely what to say. She put her bag on the bedside table and sat on the nearby chair. After playing with the hem of her shirt for a while, she tilted her head up and looked at him. She tentatively smiled at him, rapidly relieved when he smiled back. Right then, she was comfortable enough to talk to him.

- How are you, really?

- Still pretty sore, but I'll survive.

- You must be wondering why I'm here.

- Actually, I'm too tired to ask, I'm just glad you came.

- Really? I mean, it's not like I'm family or anything but I was worried and everything's been so weird... I can't seem to focus and needed…

- Needed what?

- I don't know. I just wanted to see you I guess…

- Well you get to see a lot more of me than before!

She smiled and flushed even more. Seeing her embarassment, he let out a laugh, one that became a rough cough. Kate stood up, worried, and started to look for some water. She found a pitcher on the table and deftly poured a glass. She helped him drink before putting the empty glass away. He had suddenly seem so weak and helpless, which was such a change from the determined man she had met the day before. She grabbed her purse and said:

- I'll leave now. I shouldn't be here, you need to rest.

- You don't have to.

- No, anyway, it's for the best. The nurse warned me that visiting hours were soon through, I better go before they come and complain about me getting in the way of your recovery.

- OK, thank you for coming. I appreciated it a lot.

- It's me who should be thanking you, for everything you've done today. I could never be grateful enough for the care you showed.

- I did my job, nothing more.

- It was more than that for me…

Kate pressed his hand lightly and got out fast, unable to hold the gaze of these blue eyes any longer. Watching him, so defenseless and unguarded, was more than she could stand. He wasn't in any shape to make her feel safe and still he had that soothing effect on her. In an automatic mode, she got in her car and drove back home. Her state of mind was different on the way back home, and so were her thoughts, but in no way were they calmer.


	3. A different evening

**A/N: **There is no way I could be sorry enough for the time it took me to update. I had major Internet problems and an extremely big lack of inspiration. If you were worried about this story being abandonned, rest assured, it's not!

**Dedicated to: **24isthebest, Giselle x 3 ;), slugsbay, bobdabuilder0804, Muskoka Girl, jessloz58, down under, BadHatHarry and jackkateshipper. Your reviews kept me going!

**Chapter three: A different evening**

Kate was sitting on the couch, a fluffy pillow on her knees. Not exactly a elegant position but clearly a reassuring one for her. The TV was on but she couldn't have said what was playing (another stupid reality-show) even if her life was depending on it. It had been three weeks now. The knotting fear was gone, the nightmares (not nightmares_, flashbacks_) had disappeared too. Her father had helped her as much as she had helped him. Of course there was still a lot to do and understand before they could both say that they were over that day, but a certain feeling of normality and quietness was coming over the Warner house and it was very welcome. They had learned to separate their memory of Marie of the woman presently imprisoned, waiting for her trial. Bob had sent his lawyer to defend her but he had no real faith. He didn't want her to get out actually. His way of dealing with this situation was simply of forgetting that he ever had another daughter. Kate was following his example on this matter. It was still hurtful but like she had said before, seeing her sister point a gun on her and start to pull the trigger was enough to make her understand that this was not the girl she used to know and love.

Kate shrugged at the memory. Her mind had been at peace for a few days now, counting on the fact that she avoided any remembrance. This was hard because, well, some parts of this Saturday she didn't want to forget. They all summed up to one thing, Jack. The way he had comforted her, whether during the localisation of Syed Ali or after the acquisition of the chip was nothing she wanted to let go. Although, it was more than that. How he looked at her at some points of the day was also something she hanged on to. She hadn't, or didn't want to, give much thought, not sure of what to make out of it. She wasn't in the right mood to start having romantic thoughts. Plus, the way they met wasn't really proper and her record with men wasn't stellar. She had the habit of picking men solely focused on their career, the kind that were more interested in her father than her. The men who genuinely cared for her she had no connection with them, she felt empty in their company. She wasn't sure of what she felt for Jack but her interest was undeniable. She frowned and thought: _"You're not making any sense here Kate. The knight-in-shining-armor-who-protects-the-damsel-in-distress is a little bit overused don't you think? He was doing his job, now do yours and get over it. You're too old to be that sentimental. You hardly know him anyway."_ The sound of a leaving car nearby brought her back to reality and she glanced at the door.

Jack Bauer got out of the taxi and stood on the streetwalk for a while, uncertain of what to do next. Usually he had no problem of confidence but this was anything but an ordinary circumstance for him. On the field, the pressure of time and responsibility was a decision booster. Here, there was nothing to give him a clue. He staggered forward, still a little bit sore, looking back on his motivations for coming here to give him indications. _"She deserves more than what you've said to her last time."_

For him, the adjustment after that nearly apocalyptic day had been quite a rocky road. His stay at the hospital had radically changed him. Not only physically, although it had took him a great while to recuperate, but also emotionally. His relation with Kim was now much better. She had moved back with him and was taking attentive care of him. There were still things to deal with but the path was clearer. More to add to the saying that the fear of loss brings people closer. However, since he had gotten back from the hospital the image of Kate was surprisingly often in his mind. There was unfinished business there…

Standing in front of the door, Jack hesitated, his arm raised to knock. A cloud of doubt passed over his eyes and he swiftly turned around, ready to leave. At that moment he heard the doorchain rustle and the doorknob turn. Kate was suddenly in front of him, looking tired and puzzled.

- Jack? What are you doing here?

- Hi Kate. Umm, I'm sorry to bother you but I wanted to… I was thinking…

- Well don't stay on the doorstep. Just sit on the veranda, I'll bring some coffee. I actually have some things to say to you myself.

- OK.

He run his hand through his hair and sat, even more embarrassed than he was before. _"How come she always says the right thing but it unsettles me so easily?"_ He leaned back and closed his eyes. The smell of hot coffee made him snap out of his thoughts. Kate smiled lightly at him as she put a silver tray with 2 cups, a coffeepot, sugar and milk on the trolley. She poured him a cup and started him off as she was handing it to him.

- So what it is you wanted to talk about?

- Well, you see.. I had this feeling I hadn't been fair to you back there at the hospital. I was groggy and not exactly myself. But since you came I couldn't help but feel I owed you an explanation.

- You don't owe me anything Jack, it was…

- Yes I do. When we met, I was in a very difficult period of my life and, well let's say the rest of the day wasn't any better. Everything happened so fast and I had to put you through some things… I mean, you had nothing to do with all of this. I guess I just want to say thank you and I'm sorry. Thank you for what you did for us, with Ali, your sister, for what you did for me and Kim also. And I'm sorry for the same reasons. You weren't supposed to have to do this. And it was wrong of me to ask you.

- Stop Jack. I did what I had to. Maybe I wasn't to blame for that day but I still felt responsible. When you are drawn to this kind of situation, I think you don't have the right to back up and hope for someone else to help. I won't say it was easy (tears were glistening in her eyes as she was talking) but I'm glad I did all of it. I would be feeling a lot worse if I had spent the day locked up in my house, terrified and useless. Instead I found strenght in me that I didn't know was there. Yes, my life's been shattered but at least my conscience is clean.

Jack looked at her, amazed and impressed. He had no idea she would have come out of it so strong. _"So much for your judgment. She is much more resourceful than you thought."_ Kate looked down at her hands holding the now cold cup, hoping he wouldn't notice them shaking. She didn't exactly lied to him but she managed to sound better than she felt. _" Don't put that on him. He has enough to deal with as it is."_ The silence was then ended by Jack, who started to talk as if he was talking to himself. He spoke of his life with Teri and Kim, of his job, of Nina and her betrayal, even of his childhood. Kate for her part didn't say much, mostly listening carefully and sometimes putting in a little comment when needed. The sun had been gone for quite a while, the last drop of coffee was long gone and he was still talking. Kate shuddered as a sudden gust of cold wind ran on her back, making Jack look at her with a lost face.

- I forgot about time I guess. I shouldn't have bothered you for so long.

- It's okay, I'm glad you did. Anyway with the recent events it must have make you feel relieved, to have an attentive ear. It means a lot to me that you trust me enough for telling me all this. Know that I'm there for you, whenever you need…

Jack stood up and grabbed his coat. He then turned and leaned toward Kate. Before she could think anything, she felt his lips, slightly brushing over hers. It lasted barely a second but she felt it long after she saw him straighten up and walk down her alley. She bowed her head, feeling flushed. That made her miss the sight of Jack, who had stopped in the middle of the entrance and who was staring at her, a shy smile lingering on his lips.


	4. The next step

**A/N: **I'm so glad people are still reading this fic. I was scared that after such a long absence you would have all forgotten about it. I didn't plan on posting this chapter until I had finished chapter 5 but I think it's just as good this way. So enjoy this new chapter, it has some fluff in it because we all need it sometimes!

**Dedicated to: **24isthebest and slugsbay (I love your detailed reviews thanks!)

**Chapter four: The next step**

Kate woke up at the chirp of a starling, perched on the table . She was wrapped up in an old woolen shawl, still on the veranda. She didn't want to leave the atmosphere of last night so she had spent the entire night on an incomfortable chair, reminiscing about Jack's story until the soothing sound of the crickets made her fall asleep. So there she was, disheveled and disoriented, with the blinding light of the eleven's sun in her eyes. She readjusted herself, got up and gathered her things. She picked up the cups and let out a little laugh, feeling happy and a little silly at the same time. Entering the house, her thoughts and memories melted into a resolution, one to make her worry by its boldness.

Jack blinked a few times as a ray of sunshine blazed on him. He brushed of the sleep of his face and sat in his bed, contemplating the mess of his room and the little particules of dust dancing in the light. He quickly got up and put on an fatigued pair of jeans and a worn-out T-shirt. He entered the kitchen and chuckled, amused by the sight of Kim standing at a respectable distance of the stove, trying to avoid the burning of the crackling bacon and scrambled eggs. She gave him a disapproving stare before she started to laugh herself. He relieved her of the dangerous pan and put it on the dining table, starting to serve the breakfast. Kim brought the coffee pot and sat at the table. He looked at her and said:

- OK, say it.

- What?

- You know what. You've got your question mark face on this morning.

- Fine. I just wanted to know what's going on. You haven't been this cheerful for a long time. I figured something might have happened last night because you looked like a transformed person when you got home.

- Well, I was at Kate Warner's yesterday and we talked.

- And that's it? You had a talk with a near stranger and suddenly everything's fine?

- Kate is no stranger and you know it.

- Please Dad, you barely know her. I mean, we've been talking for weeks and you still seemed dulled. Now this girl comes along and she fixes you overnight?

- First of all, not everything's _fine_. After all that happened in the last 2 years, no single night will make our life OK so simply. Second of all, I don't have to justify myself to you. I am still your father and you're my daughter, not the other way around. Kim, I love you but sometimes the best support can come from someone outside. It doesn't mean you don't count, just that she seemed to understand me and to be willing to help me in a different way.

- Yeah, whatever. I'm gonna go, I don't wanna be late for class.

Kim picked up her plate and went back in the kitchen, ignoring her father sighing. He left his thing on the table and took a shower, rinsing off his worries along with soap. He put on his suit and got into the cab that took him to CTU for his first real day at the job since the nuclear attack. He spent the entire day getting used again to the rhythm and to his colleagues. They had offered him his old position, head of Field Ops. Obviously a lot of change had occurred in the organization since the bombing. He was now on the same level as Tony, who was running Comm and was now officially director of CTU. Many people were still getting accustomed to their post and it was going to take a while to get things running smoothly but the new agents were good. Michelle was getting more confident as the second-in-command, Chloe, his primary analyst, seemed odd but competent and his new partner Chase was young but eager to please. Little by little during the day, Jack got the feeling the pieces were coming back together.

The sun was setting across the street when Jack got out of the building. He was walking with Tony and Michelle, going over the schedule of the next day when he heard his name called. He turned to where it was coming from and saw Kate, standing on the sidewalk. He rapidly said goodbye to his 2 intrigued coworkers and walked to the gate to go to meet her. There was something in her eyes he couldn't quite make out. He smiled broadly at her, which seemed to do anything but put her at ease, even if it was the intended purpose. She breathed deeply before replying to his hello.

- Hi Jack. You must be surprised to see me here.

- Yes and no. Somehow I knew I'd see you soon.

- I wanted to see you. I guess our evening touched me more than I thought it would. I couldn't get it out of my mind since it happened. Especially the end of it.

- … I didn't mean to upset you. I didn't planned anything, it just… It was like you understood some things about me and you didn't have to say it for me to get it.

Kate stared at him, red-cheeked and with a hint of unsecurity in her eyes. She slowly approached him, took his head in her hands and looked in the depths of his blue eyes. Tentatively, she pressed her lips on his, trying to express so many mixed emotions with this daring move. She kissed him deeply and pulled back, suddenly scared of his reaction. He was obviously shocked. Yet there wasn't any reproach in his behavior when he grabbed her neck and kissed her in return. She felt all sensations disappear from her body except for the caress of his mouth. Her arms rested naturally around his shoulders just like his on her hips. She had never felt safer than at that precise moment

He broke the kiss, still holding her and looked down at her. She was keeping her head down, more flushed than ever. She let her hands slide from his neck to his shoulders and took a step back. She was clueless as to what to do, now that she had put her feelings on the line _"At least he didn't push you away, that's a start."_ She tilted her head up and met his gaze. As disturbing as this moment must had been, there was a spark in his eye. The corner of his mouth curved a little bit. They suddenly started to laugh incontrollably, amazed by what had just happened. Kate detached herself from his grasp and regained some seriousness, as Jack was awkwardly rumbling his hair.

- I'm sorry… I don't know what came over me, I shouldn't have, It' s not like me to… Oh don't worry, I guess I'll just go home…

- Kate, wait.

Jack grabbed her hand and stopped her as she was leaving.

- What's going on?

- What's going on? Were you here a few seconds ago? I come over here and basically attack you. I couldn't start to explain it because I can't even figure it out myself. I've never thrown myself at someone before and you more than anyone don't deserve this in such a time.

- Look, I get it more than you think. I know there's something here between us. Yes, my life is nothing but simple right now but don't you think we should take it one step at a time and don't mess it up? Starting with a dinner at my place?

Kate looked up and saw his expression. She recognized the uncertainty in it but his smile convinced her. She sighed in relief and nodded. They started to walk away, heading to her car. A few meters away, Tony and Michelle were staring at the leaving couple haloed by the decreasing sunlight. Their eyes met, with the same incredulity in them. They chuckled and resumed their walking, not even trying to comprehend what they had witnessed.


	5. Too soon?

**A/N**: I know I promised a chapter sooner but my brother made me watch the entire first season of Lost in 3 days so I've been off-mood these last days! I am however back into a "24 thinking-mode" so here's chapter 5!

**Dedicated to:** bookworm03, BadHatHarry, 24isthebest, slugsbay, nu224, ladybeatrice1 and Erin Elisabeth.

**Chapter five: Too soon?**

The apartment was rather dim and silent, with the exception of the faint clicking of the keyboard. The sound of her father pushing the front door open relieved Kim of the absorbing computer task. She turned around but the sight of Kate entering, Jack holding the door for her, stopped the _Hey dad!_ that she was about to say in her throat. She tensed up and returned to her typing, with unnatural energy.

Kate glanced at Jack, concerned and uneasy. He sighed, shook slightly his head and closed the door. Silently indicating to Kate to sit on the nearby couch, he walked up to his daughter. Kate sat down and what was just a lingering feeling of awkwardness moments ago became almost overwhelming. She nervously played with the zipper of her purse, trying not to listen to the hushed conversation that was taking place a few feet from her. She couldn't help but catch some words, enough to make her even more uncomfortable, if that was possible. _It's not hard to understand why she resents me being here. I knew I shouldn't have!_ Even with her eyes down, she perfectly saw the inimical look Kim graced her with as she was storming out. She couldn't brace herself to look up, even when she was gone and Jack sat down next to her.

- Sorry about that. I should have seen it coming.

- No, actually I'm pretty sure whatever she said was right. I have no right to barge into her home without warning.

- Hey, hey. Don't take it this way. You got to see it from her point of view.

- I do. You both don't need an intruder right now.

- That's not what you are. I invited you over and she just overreacted. And you're not a stranger to her, or at least she shouldn't treat you like one. Anyway, we won't make everything right in one evening. Remember one step at a time?

She looked up for the first time and as usual his smile managed to reassure her and bring a little comfort back.

- So, what do you say we have this dinner?

- Sure. I'll help though, make myself a little helpful.

- No problem!

A couple hours later, both sitting cross-legged on the couch, they were continuing the conversation that had been going on and off during the evening. A pizza box, empty wine glasses and plates with discarded crusts and leftovers bits of a salad were still on the coffee table, as they weren't really concerned with cleaning up at the moment. This time Kate was doing most of the talking, as Jack seemed more in a listening mood than in a confiding one. It was also a way for her to mask her nervousness that was somehow still present. Right in the middle of her explanation of what her job in her father industry consisted of, she realized what song was now playing on the stereo that was turned on earlier to make some background music during their meal.

_Every whisper_

_Of every waking hour I'm_

_Choosing my confessions_

_Trying to keep an eye on you_

A sudden wave of memories, panic and tears came over her. Unable to stand it, she quickly excused herself and rushed to the bathroom. She locked the door behind her and leaned against it, trying to catch her breath and regain control of herself at the same time. She stopped fighting and let the emotions take over. She slid to the floor and sobbed, one hand pressed tightly against her mouth, still self-conscious enough to do her best to not let Jack hear her. It didn't take long before she heard a soft knock on the door and Jack calling her name with a concerned voice. She let out a ragged breath and did her best to steady the frantic beating of her heart. She stood up, glancing in the mirror. The image that was reflected was, as she feared, one of a red-eyed and visibly still upset woman. She splashed some fresh water on her face and readjusted her clothes. Even if she knew full well that she wouldn't fool him, she opened the door and lamentably failed at forcing a smile on her lips. As expected, Jack was right on the other side and didn't buy her attempted facade.

- Kate, God what's going on?

- Nothing, really, it's nothing, it passed, it's just….

- What? What is it? I mean one second everything is fine the next one it's like all hell broke loose in front of you.

- It's silly… It's just that the song that was playing reminded me of Marie. We loved it and it just kind of brought back all that happened I guess and… I'm sorry you had to see this, I'm…

A tear escaped the corner of her eye, quickly followed by many others. The more she wanted to keep them at bay, she more she couldn't. She was crying silently, her arms around her waist, her head down. Jack looked at her, taken aback by her outburst. Never before had he taken the time to really think about how much she had lost on that day. He had only seen her strength, now he was witnessing the frailty. Unsure any words would do her good, he simply took her in his arms and kept her there. He stroked her hair as she clung to his shoulders, letting all the hurt out. After a few minutes, he felt the worst was over and pulled back slightly, still holding her. She let go of his shoulders and of his embrace, wiping the last tears away.

- Sorry about that.

- Hey, stop saying that. It's completely understandable. You can't pretend all the time that all is over and forgotten.

- I guess. I still seem to put too much upon you. Plus, you invite me and what do I do? I break down and ruin the evening.

- The evening is young, you haven't ruined anything and I can't say I'm much of a good company theses past days either. So now no more apologies!

- OK. Just give me a minute, I want to fix I the mess I am, try to look like a woman again.

- You don't have to, you're beautiful, as always.

Their eyes locked as he said that. Once again she found herself being drawn to him. _Why does he keep saying things like that? I don't want to loose it again, it's not right._ She looked away, embarassed by both his compliment and her repressed impulse. Only this time it didn't matter that she was able to control herself. She felt Jack's finger run across her cheek, then tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She glanced back at him with pleading eyes, hoping it would stop him before this got too far. He didn't or wouldn't notice it as he leaned in and started to kiss her. The little amount of resolve she had dissipated and she kissed him back, passionately. His hands roamed on her back before getting lost in the soft abundance of blonde hair. Kate was again oblivious to everything except the sensations coursing through her body but when she felt that he was slowly leading her to the bedroom, she woke up to the reality of the situation. She tried to protest but when Jack began to nibble on her ear and plant delicate kisses on her neck, she abandonned any hope to fight him. He pushed her gently on the bed and lied down besides her. When he pulled her shirt over her head, she knew there was no turning back. She started to unbutton his shirt, thinking: _Tomorrow, I'll figure it out then._

**A/N**: The lyrics are from R.E.M.'s Losing my Religion, which is our song to my sister and me. A little personnal touch!


	6. Aftermath

**A/N:** Here's chapter 6, I'm not entirely satisfied with it but I'll let you judge!

**Dedicated to**: Erin Elisabeth, Slugsbay (there will be some Tony/Michelle in the next one), BadHatHarry and especially to 24isthebest, your PM really helped me! A huge thanks to mini-Jess for the very relevant comments on this chapter!

**Chapter 6: Aftermath**

Her eyes fluttered open and saw an unfamiliar nighstand, catching sight of the alarm clock indicating 2:17 at the same time. With a part of her still asleep, it actually took her some time to realize where she was. Her first thought when she did was that she had to leave, the sooner the better. _I can't believe I fell asleep! _She tried to move but couldn't because of an arm that was flung across her waist and holding her pretty tight. A quick look at his peaceful face made her give up. She smiled and closed back her eyes, snuggling closer to him. She shushed the little voice in her head that was trying to convince her that the best thing was to go home right away, the warmth of the sheets and of Jack's embrace much more appealing to her than a lonely ride home in the cold night.

Just when she was about to drift off to sleep again, she heard some noise, like someone was rummaging in the closet in the other room. _Kim must've just gotten home._ The thought crossed her mind without her fully understand it. When she did, she found herself wide awake. She delicately detached Jack's arm from her side and started to slide from under the covers, doing her best to not disturb his sleep. All in vain because he started to stir almost immediately and his hand caught hers as she was getting up. She wiggled out of his grasp and started to put her clothes back on.

- Mmmphm, where are you going….

- Home. It's best I don't spend the night here.

- Why?

- Well I don't think Kim would appreciate for one.

- …OK… Come here one second.

He sat up and pulled a partly-dressed Kate in his lap, who smiled in spite of herself. He circled her with his arms and whispered " And what would _you_ appreciate? I know I would personnally prefer to have you here tonight, what about you?" She didn't reply, simply let her fingers run over his arm. After a minute she removed the pants she had put on in a hurry. She lifted the sheets and resumed her position in the bed. She rested her head against his shoulder and silently reminded herself to relax a little. _Otherwise I'll surely drive him away with such a worried attitude._ She fell asleep right after she felt his lips pressing against her temple.

Sitting on the bed, fully dressed, Kate still wondered what to do. At first, she briefly considered staying in the bedroom for as long as Kim was in the appartment. But then the ridiculousness of the idea hit her. She thought she might as well get this breakfast over with, after all it wasn't as if she had to justify herself to a 19 year-old. This reasoning may had made her feel better at first but she was still slightly concerned when she walked into the kitchen. Jack was already there, making some coffee for both of them. He handed her a cup, answering quietly to her shy "good morning'. All concern gone, she repressed the giggle that she was about to let out. The casualness at that moment was just such a contrast to the rollercoaster evening _(and night)_ they had shared, she couldn't help it. However, she did become serious when she turned around and saw Kim already seated, intently avoiding looking at her. She was pushing around the eggs in her plate, creating random designs before destroying them right away.

Kate walked over to the dining table and took a seat right across Kim, her hands clutching the mug. She opened and shut her mouth several times, pondering what would be the right thing to say in this situation. Since she was clueless about that, she figured she might as well go for the simplest way.

- Good morning Kim.

- …

- Okay, I understand. You're not a morning person. I'm not a big fan of this part of the day either…

- Okay, you know what Kate, don't try that with me.

- I'm not trying anything! I just want to have a conversation.

- About what? We don't have anything to talk about. Hell, you shouldn't even be here.

Kate had nothing to say to that. Her insecurity came back full force, once again. Jack noticed the redness invading her cheeks and intervened.

- Kim, stop it.

- So now I can't have an opinion?

- You can but you can have some respect too. Kate's a guest and you're treating her like an enemy, without any reason.

- I have reasons! But I guess you're more to blame than she is. You don't really seem to care about what I could have felt seeing her car still in the driveway in the middle of the night!

- I care, but right now it's none of your business.

- Well then I'll leave you to _your _business!

Now teary-eyed, Kim pushed away what was left of her breakfast and swiftly grabbed her bag and coat before banging the door behind her. Once the resonating sound of the closed door subsided, there was only left an uncomfortable silence between Jack and Kate, one looking at the toast in his hands, the other apparently fascinated by the twirls of steam ascending from her cup. She was the first to move, getting up to dump the rest of her coffee in the sink. She remained in front of the counter, obviously waiting for Jack to say something. He felt it and broke the silence, his head staying down.

- I didn't expect this to come up, at least not so soon.

- Well maybe she's right. I think we might have been carefree yesterday. We were supposed to take our time and look where we are now!

- Yeah. Guess we should wait and see how it goes, letting it process. It would be good for all of us I think.

He looked up, anxious to see her reaction. She smiled reassuringly and nodded, silently agreeing to his idea. She went back to the living room and gathered her stuff. It didn't take long and within a minute she was standing in the hallway, putting on her shoes. She was struggling with the left one, who seemed to have become one size too small overnight, trying at the same time to figure out the best way to say goodbye to him. She finally managed to slip her foot in the shoe and turned around to face a Jack standing right in front of her. He moved closer and took her hands, gently stroking her knuckles with his thumbs. He leaned in and softly spoke in her ear: " I just want you to know, no matter what she said, it felt right to me. I'll call you soon." He kissed her lightly on the cheek as he pulled away, letting go of her hands. She now had a bright smile across her face. She cupped his face with her free hand, quickly kissing him before leaving his appartment. She walked to her car, searching her purse for her keys. As she was unlocking the door, she tried to keep in mind that there were still many things to sort out. But his last words were still echoing in her mind.


	7. Getting used to it

**A/N:** I'm deeply sorry for the delay. I have no real excuse, except that my mind has been elsewhere these past weeks. Well, here's the seventh chapter. There's less romance in it, it's mostly a scene I couldn't wait to write! Hope you'll like it, reviews are my drug so please don't let me go through withdrawal!

**Dedicated to:** k8lyn2002, nu224, Slug's bay, 24isthebest, Jessloz58 and kimberley l hughes. Thank you all so much!!

**Chapter seven: Getting used to it **

Jack pushed the heavy wooden door and was greeted by the expected cloud of cigarette smoke. He blinked several times, and as his eyes were adjusting to the radical change of light, he looked around the now familiar bar. It had become a relief over the years, a place for him to relax after the exhausting days his work made him go through. He would go there 2-3 times a week, enjoying the animated chatter without really participating. It was a nice reminder of what normal life is. Since Teri's death, it had also become a refuge, an anonymous comfort to his pain. The place had never changed; it still had the creaking stools, the old dart game and Andrew serving the drinks. With a life ever so unstable as his, it was quite a reassuring thing to know that this was always going to be there.

However, there was something unusual in the picture. Jack looked more attentively to the couple and, once he recognized them, found himself curiously embarrassed. He stood still in the doorway for a while, observing them as they laughed and talked. The girl caught sight of him staring and quickly whispered something in the ear of the man before making her way to the bathroom. Jack took it as his cue to approach. He walked towards the bar and signaled to Andrew to serve him the usual beer and then sat down, avoiding the amused stare of Tony.

- So, Jack, outside of the office you don't recognize us? A wave would have been enough.

- Didn't want to disturb your date…

- Look Michelle and me talking after business hours doesn't automatically mean we're on a date.

- Oh well it didn't look like a business meeting. When was the last time you laughed while discussing national security?

- All right, I'll give you that one. Maybe we are not just colleagues.

- And it's not like you two are that subtle. Pretty much everybody knows about it.

- Is that so? Well good for them!

- Hey, it's okay. All of them are glad you found someone. You haven't had it easy on that matter the last couple of years.

The conversation came to an abrupt halt at this point, the vague allusion to Nina having killed the light-hearted atmosphere. They remained like that, staring at their drink, occasionally taking a sip, for a few minutes. Each lost in their personal (and painful) memories of the woman who shattered so much in both their lives, they probably wouldn't have resumed their discussion if Michelle hadn't showed up. She came by slowly, having noticed the brooding mood of both men, and putting her hand on his arm, softly asked Tony for some change. Despite her efforts, Tony still startled at her appearance. Shrugging off the dark thoughts, he handed her mechanically some quarters. He watched her walk in direction of the jukebox, as he had suspected. A slight smile began to form on his lips when Fleetwood Mac began to play, partly covered by the mixed chatter of the place.

- She just cannot help herself. She _has_ to hear those old 70's songs as often as she can!

Jack looked at him perplexed, then glanced at Michelle, who immediately turned her attention back to the songs listing, blushing at the fact that Jack had caught her blowing a kiss to Tony.

- How did you do it?

- What do you mean?

- I mean, you seem to be so at ease with each other. It's like you have been together for years when it's only been what, a month?

- I couldn't explain it. All I can say is we're comfortable in this. There's nothing annoying or bothering us. We just don't question it. And by the way, you seemed to be getting pretty comfortable yourself a couple of weeks ago.

Tony then had the surprising satisfaction of unsettling his friend. Jack let out a small chuckle and finished up his bottle, a good pretense for not answering that remark.

- Oh come on Jack, it's no big deal. I've seen how the two of you are around each other and there is something there. Why shouldn't you act on it?

- I thought I should but it's not that simple. You should have seen Kim's reaction when she saw Kate at the apartment last week. I'm pretty sure it's too soon, for her and for me. We saw each other a couple of times since but I don't know, it's getting complicated. It felt right but I'm having second thoughts about it.

- Do you like her?

- What? Sure.

- Does she?

- I think so, yeah.

- Then what's the problem? Jack, it's been almost two years since Teri died. I know you and Kim are still getting over it but you deserve some happiness now. It's ok to move on. Trust me, once you let it go it'll all fall into place. It's just a matter of time, all right? You will figure it out.

Seeing Michelle coming their way, Tony stood up and, after a last comprehensive smile, left Jack with his thoughts to straighten out. He joined Michelle and wrapped his arm around her waist, leading her to the door. She smiled broadly at him and waved at Jack as they passed him by on their way out. He barely returned the gesture, his mind buried deep in the issues to resolve. He ordered another beer, knowing full well that he wouldn't leave any time soon.

She was at her desk, which was barely visible under the mountains of papers and files. The computer screen was showing the main points of an upcoming meeting of the board of direction, along with several windows of recent statistics. Kate looked away from the work at hand and let out a big sigh. She sat back and ran her hand through her hair and across her sore neck. She had been working restlessly for the last three hours and the effects were now starting to appear. She rested for a minute, closing her eyes. Her mind drifted to more pleasant matters, specifically to that memorable night. The swirl of emotions ran through her body, making her pleasantly shiver. She allowed herself to dwell on the memories, deliberately ignoring those of the last week, which uneasiness was too depressing to be remembered.

The buzz of the doorbell made her reluctantly quit her daydreaming. When she arrived at the front, she peeked through the peephole and was quite surprised to see Jack. She felt her cheeks grow redder by the second, as though he could imagine what she was thinking moments ago. Mentally scolding herself for being so childish, she reached for the knob but hesitated as she grabbed it. After all, their last meeting had been at best uncomfortable. They had gone out to dinner, but he had spent most of the evening being troubled and absent-minded. It had taken Kate extraordinary amount of creativity to keep up the conversation going, having to deal with his one-word replies. She was pretty sure he didn't actually wanted to be there so she figured that was it. The fact that he was standing there obviously meant something else. _After that dinner, I must not get my hopes up. Again, do I need another let-down? Well, he's here, I better just deal with it._ She opened the door and welcomed him with her usual shy smile. She let him in, he quickly passed her by and headed for the living room. _This doesn't look good, he seems even stranger than last time._

She caught up with him and sat next to him on the sofa. Looking intently at him, she waited for him to talk, since she had no idea what to say herself. He lifted his head up and stared back at her, an indefinable look in his eyes. The words came out, not the ones she had feared.

- I came to tell you that I'm sorry. Sorry for the way I acted this week, sorry for pushing you away. I had to clear up my thoughts but it still is no excuse. I just hope I haven't ruined everything between us. You see, I wasn't sure about it and I must say Kim's reaction didn't help. I know I seemed confident but I wasn't. I shouldn't have put it on you that way. The truth is I think I'm falling for you and… well, I guess I didn't know how to deal with it. Now I want to deal with it and more.

Kate looked at him with total disbelief and completely speechless. She had been ready for anything, the official end of their starting romance mostly, but certainly not for this kind of declaration. Suddenly she didn't feel so bad for her own feelings, knowing they were somehow reciprocated. She hoped her thoughts at the moment were sufficiently shown in her eyes that were locked with his because there was no way she could have spoken them. Apparently they were because a smile of relief appeared on his face. They both leaned into a sweet kiss, one that held many promises for the future.

**A/N (again!)**: I think Jack is a little OCC in this one, what do you think? I seem to have some problems with sensitive Jack! Let me know your opinion!


	8. Yet another step

**A/N: **It's back on! It still amazes me, how long it takes me to update my stories! This one in particular, which is gonna be a long one (for my standards), around 20 chapters. So chapter seven concluded the first act, you enter now the second one. This chapter takes place a year later. It's more light-hearted but drama is around the corner! Enjoy! (hopefully!)

**Dedicated to:** 24isthebest and Jess. Thanks for the reviews!

**Chapter eight: Yet another step**

The only movement perceptible in Kate's room was from his hand, twirling in her blonde hair in a never-ending fashion. Her head was lying on his chest, one arm swung around him, her body pressed against his side. They had been staying that way for some time, never quite falling asleep. Jack smiled slightly as he saw her wiggle a little to readjust herself against him and reveled in the feeling. Who knew it could be so simple, so easy to reach those small oases of calm happiness?

They had been silent for a while and consequently he was about to drift off when she said his name softly.

- Jack?

- Mmm?

- You awake?

- Mostly…

- Well, I wanted to ask you something I've thought about for a quite some time. But it can wait…

- No it's ok. What is it?

- … Do you want to move in with me?

His hand stopped its massage and carefully untangled itself from the soft curls. He reached for the bedside lamp and turned it on, sitting up as he did so. He silently watched her sit up as well and run her hand in her hair in a vain attempt to straight it up. She was avoiding his gaze and once again he found himself smiling as he noticed her rosy cheeks and shy air. _God, I just adore that about her. How can she still be so unsure of herself? _he thought. The hand that had been resting in the small of her back made its way to her chin and he gently turned her face so her eyes could meet his. He leaned forward and delicately pressed his lips against her temple and pulled her closer to him, enveloping her in his arms. He softly whispered an "of course" in her ear and immediately he felt her body relax.

- Really? Jack that's just so great! I mean, I didn't know how you'd react or if it was too soon and

- Kate, stop! There's no need for excuses or explanations here. You just asked it before I did. Frankly I had thought about it too.

- You did?

- Yeah. When you look at it, we're spending almost every night here anyway. And I know Kim would like to have her own place now. Well the apartment has been pretty hers in the past few months but we should make it official. It'll simplify everything.

- That is true. Although I'm not that sure that Kim will like it. The independence, I know she'll love but letting go of her daddy, that's another thing. You know, it's kind of funny how protective she is with you.

- I've pointed it out to her, but she still believes she has to take care of me now like she had to when I was discharged from the hospital. That's another good reason for me to move, to put some distance between us.

- Let's hope she sees it that way…

- I say let's sleep and hope will be for tomorrow! We both have to work in a few hours.

- OK fine! One last thing…

- Better be important…

- I love you.

Jack was switching the light off when he heard her say those words. He turned around to face her, locking his eyes into hers. It wasn't the first time she had said it but it always made him feel like it was. With this small sentence, she would always make him feel like redemption was possible, like she was his angel, here to give him another chance at life. His gaze wandered across her figure, noticing how ravishing she looked in that little black nightie. He cupped her face and kissed her deeply, murmuring I love you's between kisses. He lowered her on the bed as she wrapped her arms around his neck and all thoughts of sleep were forgotten.

**Two weeks later**

Kate was standing in the middle of what looked more like a battlefield and less like the tidy living room she remembered. Open boxes laid all over the floor and the coffee table and there were piles of clothes everywhere. A laptop was threatening to fall off the top of the TV. Before it did she picked it up and looked around for a safer place to put it. As she failed to do so, she sit on the arm of the couch, basically the only spot still free of stuff, put the computer on her lap and let out a big sigh. "_I've forgotten how much I hate moving, even when I'm not the one who's doing it!"_ she thought. She looked up to watch Kim hurry into the house, carrying a impressive number of books in her arms, which she dumped in the hallway with an apologetic smile to Kate, before exiting as fast as she had entered. "_At least she seems happy about this whole thing."_

Kim's reaction to the idea of Jack moving with Kate had been quite unexpected. He had decided to tell her alone, still uncertain of the way she felt towards Kate. Sure, she had warmed up to her but sometimes she still regarded her as a stranger. He didn't want any possible unpleasant remarks to be heard by anyone but him. Surprisingly she responded with much enthusiasm to the plan. Apparently every advantage had been obvious to her as well so there was little resistance from her part. From the exception of the inevitable discussion about who gets to keep which DVD or CD, the transition went smoothly. And now it was the last step, the worst one, the unpacking.

Kate got up, secured the laptop between two boxes and went for the door, nearly bumping into Jack and Kim, both carrying what she hoped were the last of the boxes. She relieved Kim of her load and headed for the bedroom, followed closely by Jack. She put the box on the floor and just let herself fall on the bed. She flashed Jack a tired smile when he entered, before closing her eyes and fully extending herself across the covers. The sound of his voice prevented her from falling asleep right there.

- You're tired, aren't you? Discouraged? Having second thoughts about this?

- Yes, a little bit and no, respectively. I just wish the stuff could simply transport and place itself. I hate that part of moving in with someone.

- Well, I'll do most of it if that'll comfort you. After all, I'm the one who's invading your territory here.

- Yeah, my place looks like Normandy since you arrived!

- Won't be that way for long, I promise. Stay here. Kim and I will take care of all the things that go in the living room or the kitchen so you'll have some time to rest.

She nodded in response, her eyes already closed back. Just as she was starting to relax, she felt her cell buzz in her pocket. "_Predictable! Is there any chance for some "me" time today?"_ she thought as she flipped the phone open.

- Kate Warner.

- Hi Kate. It's Michelle.

- Oh hi Michelle, how are you?

- Fine and you? The unpacking's going well?

- Call me tomorrow to see if I survived it! Seriously it's not that bad but there's still much to do.

- That's what I thought. I have a suggestion. Danny was supposed to come see us but he couldn't make it. So Tony and I are free for the rest of the day. He has made enough food for a regiment so we could come help you out and we'd bring dinner as well. Kind of a housewarming gift if you will.

- That would be very nice. Thanks so much!

- It's nothing. We'll be there in about 20 minutes, will that be fine?

- It's perfect. Thanks again!

She closed the phone, stood up quickly and got out of the bedroom, this good news giving her a burst of energy. She contemplated the extreme state of messiness her house was in, turned away from the sad sight and caught Jack staring at her with a playful smile on his face. She walked over to him, thinking _"This is all temporary. Like the song says, the best is yet to come!"_


End file.
